


I need you with me, always

by KadenAadi



Series: 1 Year [1]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 08:21:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7883728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KadenAadi/pseuds/KadenAadi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Warnings: Mentions of suicide<br/>Suicide note</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Part 1; The Quarry

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Mentions of suicide  
> Suicide note

The email they'd received this time wasn't quite what they'd expected, they'd hoped for some sort of response, of course, but one of admission; but then, they'd had no response for a few days anyway.

 

* * *

 

[From; Donny

To; Lachlan

Date; 23/08/16

\--

Hi son. you said there was something up, was it something you wanted to talk about? Are you alright? Talk to me, I'm your Dad, you can trust me.

 

D x]

* * *

 

 

The lack of reply had, at first, seemed, like a good thing, like he was considering it, like the might have finally got him to rack. Hell, they'd even celebrated with pints and ' _dessert_ ' that night... and the night after.

 

Things had looked really good, if they got the admission, Robert could clear Andy's name, and he and Aaron could get to focusing on finding a flat and putting down a deposit and moving on to better, happier things.

 

* * *

 

[From; Lachlan

To; Donny

Date; 26/08/16

\--

I'm really sorry about this.. I just can't live with all this guilt, I'm sorry Dad. I really hope you can forgive me, I've done something... terrible and I need to try and fix it and this is the only way to fix it and I can't live like this, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.

 

L]

* * *

 

 

 

Robert had been a bit confused, more so than worried then, really, and he'd shown it to Aaron in that moment - perhaps he could clear it up.

 

''Rob..''

''What?''

''That looks like a... well, you know.''

''No, I don't.. What?''

 

Aaron gave him a look that expected better, until he realized he meant it. ''That's a suicide note, Robert.''

''What?! ...No, Lachlan wouldn't...''

 

He gave him the same look. ''Think I'd known what is and isn't, Rob.''

 

''Fair point...''

 

''So.. What are we gonna do? We can't just leave him like this.''

 

''Call Chrissie?''

 

''That'll take too long.. and he probably won't want to see anyone, especially her. Is there a location or something?''

 

Robert didn't answer, tapped away at his phone for a moment and then turned on his heels and went to the door, leaving Aaron sitting there for a moment before he got up, following him and getting into the car, reaching over to lightly squeeze Robert's thigh, sensing some unease, some fear. Robert gave half a smile to show he appreciated it.

 

* * *

 

 

The quarry was dark and cold and gave Aaron an uneasy sense of deja vu, especially seeing Lachlan stood on the edge, drenched in the rain and looking decidedly like a younger, weirder, version of him. Alluminated by the headlights, Lachlan turned, immediately confused by Aaron and Robert's presence, before that feeling was replaced by anger. He didn't want help, he didn't want anyone there to try and stop him, he just wanted the silence, all the guilt to stop.

 

''Go away!'' He shouted at Aaron, who'd stepped out of the car first.

 

''Woah.. woah, alright. Just... stay calm, alright?''

 

'' **Don't** tell me what to do!'' 

 

''Alright, alright... just remember, I've been there.. I know what you're feeling.''

 

''You know nothing.''

 

''I've stood right there and I've thought what you're thinking, Lachlan.. Trust me, I get it.''

 

''Maybe if you'd just gone through with it, my family might not be broken.'' Lachlan hissed.

 

Aaron considered commenting, but decided to blame the comment on the situation. ''What do you mean your family's broken?''

 

''Mum's going psycho and Grandad locked himself away and ruined everything and everyone's going crazy and I..''

 

''Lachlan?''

 

''I did something really, really stupid and I can't live with it..''

 

''Killing yourself won't solve that, I swear.''

 

''I'm not like you, Aaron, stop... stop trying to compare us!''

 

''You feel like I did.''

 

Lachlan, already weak and cold and tired, thought about it for a very long moment, considered every aspect as best he could in his state. ''..How did you cope?''

 

''Talking about things... It took time but.. It passes.'' He took a tentative step closer, hoping to draw Lachlan from the edge. 

 

In the car, Robert's hands tightened on the steering wheel, he couldn't bring himself to get out, but staring at Aaron so close to the edge was sending a horrible, sickly feeling through his guts.

 

''I found someone who understood.'' Aaron said, and Lachlan looked up at him, wondered if maybe he too could find someone who understood. 

 

He went to take a step closer, but under his back foot, stones began to slip and he reached out in panic, grabbing Aaron's arms for some stability.

 

And then he started to see grey around him, felt his head bash against stones and felt the black jumper slip out of his hands as the pair of them tumbled down together.

 

The last thing he heard was a scream from the top of the quarry.

 

_**''Aaron!''** _

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Blues and Twos

Scrambling down the quarry as fast as he could without slipping, he kept his eye on Aaron, running up to him the moment he reached the bottom of the quarry, so fast he nearly fell anyway, dropping to his knees to be beside Aaron, to look at his unconscious figure.

 

" **Aaron?!** Aaron, come on.. please.." He nudged his boyfriends limp body, panic setting in as he shifted him slowly onto his back. "Aaron.. don't.." He whispered. Distantly, he heard a groan, ignored it in favour of taking Aaron's pulse, of checking his breathing. "Aaron.. please.. you can't." He begged, voice a whisper, salt tears pricking his eyes. "Please.. just.."

 

"Oh my god.." Lachlan groaned, cuts all over his face and arms, but he was able to sit up. "Oh god.. I've.." He tried to get up, but was stopped by the harshest look he'd ever seen in Roberts eyes. "Stay there! You've done enough damage and running away won't fix it now." He hissed, "Call an ambulance. Now!" Lachlan scrambled for his phone, but it was broken and battered, so instead Robert chucked him his own, focus going back to Aaron. " _Baby.._ " He whispered, "please.. just.."

 

He kept one hand on his wrist, keeping his pulse, the other stroking his hair, begging him to wake up, to feel the touch and feel something. He didn't look half as bad as Lachlan he couldn't be.. he just had to wake up and it'd all be alright and they'd get a little house and have their little family and it'd be okay.

 

* * *

 

 

He wouldn't let go of his hand, even when they brought him onto the ambulance, he just had to hold his hand and know he was still warm and still... still okay, he had to be still okay.

 

* * *

 

Going into hospital with an unconscious Aaron gave him déjà vu that frankly, made him feel sick; he supposed it was with worry, but something in his gut felt wrong, something in his gut said being here could only end badly,

 

* * *

 

 

They didn't let him in for ages, and having to sit and look at the bastard responsible was not helping. He supposed he must have text Chas at some point when she turned up, going straight to him. "Robert? Where is he? Is he alright?"

 

Robert looked up and Chas' face softened immediately when he saw the sick white fear on his face. She moved to sit beside him then, he needed the comfort, obviously.

 

"He'll be alright. He's a fighter."

 

Robert was silent for a long time, he didn't know when Chas had become comforting to him, but something felt.. better with her here. Maybe it was the fact she might be the only other person who understood how much he loved Aaron.

 

"He was so... still."

 

"Oi." She said, patting his knee reassuringly. "None of that... He's gonna be okay, alright? He's a fighter."

 

"Chas if-"

 

"Mr. Sugden?" 

 

Robert stood up with such force it made him dizzy, but he didn't care, all that mattered was Aaron.

 

"He's been incredibly lucky, Mr. Sugden, to get off with so few injuries like he has. He's got a few broken ribs, and he broke his arm along with spraining his ankle, but it seems the way he fell helped him sustain fewer injuries.. Like I said, very, very lucky."

 

His whole body practically went limp with the relief, and the nurse smiled at him, and at Chas, who had a knowing smile on her face. "Told you, he's a fighter that boy."

 

"He's just waking up, and he was asking for you.. If you just give us a few moments to do a few more tests, Mr. Sugden, and then you can go and see him."

 

Robert nodded, moving to sit back down, just _breathing_. He was okay. Aaron was alright, and that meant he'd be okay, that meant everything was okay.

 

But oh god, if he'd lost him... 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (#SapAlert)
> 
> Honestly, I can't thank you all enough for supporting this and reading my writing, it really means a lot and encourages me to keep going and it just makes me really happy, thankyou guys. As someone who wants to be a writer, having feedback and support really means a lot, and it makes the moments when I'm struggling with my creativity seem okay, because I can look back on the comments on these fics and just feel encouraged. And honestly, it gives me loads of hope for the future, when I start putting my own, original writing out there in all different forms. I can't wait for those days when you guys get to see my own stuff - and in the meantime, I love sharing my fanfic stuff with you, and doing stuff for you's when all these ideas start floating around the fandom and you guys support me putting them into fics. Honestly y'all make me super happy and I'm really lucky and glad that the fandom can be so supportive and fun to be in. <3<3
> 
> Any ideas for future fics/the next part - leave them in the comments, or on my twitter. Thank you, Kaden x


	3. Part 3; The Quiet

For a long while, it was him and Chas in that room, or rather, it was mostly Chas. He still felt sick, even though he could see Aaron there, see he was okay, see he was alright. He just couldn't get the thought of Aaron lying there and him helpless, clueless.. He couldn't get the idea of what might have been out of his head.

 

He'd never been one for 'what if's,' what happens, happens - that was his motto and it worked for him, it really did.. but this.. Something was burning in his stomach and it made him sick with he idea of _what if._

 

* * *

 

 

When Chas left, which really wasnt all that long at all - since she was trying to keep Cain and Charity apart, and run the pub, it was just him and Aaron. Alone in that room.

 

He'd stayed against the wall for most of it, had let Chas sit beside the bed, beside Aaron, let Chas worry about Aaron and tell him off for being an idiot and make sure he was alright. But now he just... looked at him, looked at those bright, fabulous blue eyes and wondered what he might have done if he'd never seen them again, if he'd never got to see that stupid cheeky smile or hear Aaron call him an idiot. If he'd never got to hear him say 'I love you.'

 

"Marry me." He blurted out suddenly, breaking free of his thoughts with those words to look at Aaron's, rather adorably slightly dumbfounded face. "I don't have a ring, obviously, or any of the stuff you're supposed to, but then I suppose I never really thought it'd be like this with you lying in a hospital bed... and.. God, Aaron, today... you were just _lying_ there and I thought.. 'cause you were cold and..  you looked so.. and I really thought, I really thought you'd.. and.. if.. if I'd lost you I don't.." He trailed off, feeling a bit silly for being so emotional and reacting so suddenly but then, almost all of the best decisions he'd made considering Aaron had been sudden and unexpected; from calling him out to 'fix' his car that day, right up to this very moment.

 

Aaron was silent for a while, just thinking, not smiling or giving any indication to what he was thinking, before he reached an arm out for him, not wanting to chance sitting up just yet; still feeling battered and bruised. "Oi.. you sap, come here."

 

Robert rolled his eyes at the nickname and pulled what was frankly, a very cute face; not quite the annoyed look he had intended it to be... or maybe Aaron had just grown to think he looked cute when he was annoyed.

Sitting beside him, Robert took his hand, looking up at him with both hope and fear in his eyes.

 

"I'm alright, you know? I'm here, all in tact, bit bruised but... No need to make a sudden proposal."

 

"Aaron.." He said softly, looking at their hands and stroking his thumb across Aaron's skin, marveling in the feeling of him being warm and soft and not cold or wet or quiet. "I meant it..."

 

"Robert.." He said cautiously, knowing all too well that sometimes Robert said things when he was emotional that he ended up regretting.

 

"No, really, Aaron. If I'd have lost you... Well, I'd be lost too. I need you, Aaron... I need you with me... _always_." He paused, catching Aaron's gaze again and just smiling, smiling because Aaron was here and he was alright and because Aaron was his, his to ask, his to want, his. His expression was still serious enough that there was no doubt he meant it though, no doubt that this wasn't just a spur of the moment emotional outburst.

 

"Marry me..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously guys, I'm loving writing this fic so I think it's gonna be four, or five parts, but it honestly is just so fun and it's had such a good reception and y'all have made this so fun to write so I have no problems with making it long. Apologies for how short this chapter is, but I felt it suited the short, staccato style over something long and too detailed, after all this is a rushed, unplanned thing.
> 
> Also, big thanks to Hannah for Rob's last lines because I totally stole them from her<3<3
> 
> As always, if you have any suggestions for future fics/ideas for this one, leave a comment or tweet me<3 - Kaden xx

**Author's Note:**

> Big, big thanks to Hannah for getting this in my head and giving me the title, also for filling me in.
> 
> Thanks to the whole fandom for hype which gave me an idea<3
> 
> Feel free to suggest ideas/lines for the next part or other works, as always, Kaden x


End file.
